Saturday, December 4, 2010

Life is Funny

Things change so much, so very much...and yet, I never get used to it. I still surprise myself in the mirror, longer hair, thin creases forming slowly, from both joy and pain. It wears on you, life I mean, and we wear it on our bodies. I feel so different lately, I feel like I'm about to get somewhere that I've been traveling to for a very long time. Where? If I knew I would tell you. I suppose the one thing that never changes is that we're always on our way, even after we arrive, other versions of ourselves start traveling. The girl I used to be arrived home, and the woman that I am started her journey. Sometimes I wish I knew the address of my old self, I'd like to sit down and have some tea with her. Sometimes I think she knew more than I gave her credit for. I don't even know why I'm thinking of this tonight, maybe I'm just relishing the melancholy of life. That wherever you go, you still miss the places you used to be. I have so much of what that girl desired. But...I miss the ache sometimes. I miss the heady sense of hope. Where does that go after you get what you're hoping for? There's something broken in all of us, I guess, the lookback syndrome. Don't get me wrong. I'm so happy to be on this journey, so happy to have my traveling companion, too. I guess I just wish I could have brought her along, the girl I used to be.

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