Tuesday, March 2, 2010


i'm doing something tonight that i haven't done in so very, very long: sitting up too late at night with just my laptop and some music. it's been such a long time since i've just sat and listened to music, really listened to it, the way i used to. i used to live and breathe by the music i listened to, it was almost as though i could survive a week on a good song. some people called me their jukebox because i was a voracious "eater" of music, i could never have enough and was always listening to something new. for some reason, since i've been married and living out here in ga, i haven't been the same. perhaps it's just that i don't feel like i'm surviving life in the way i sometimes used to feel. i love my life, i feel fulfilled by my marriage and my friendships. sometimes with all this happy i feel like i'm losing touch with the underbelly of myself. yes, those years of surviving were not fun, but i miss the thrill of raw emotions sometimes...in an odd way it was very inspiring. i think that maybe it's true that we live in extremes; extremes of happiness and misery...and sometimes that misery is sweet. ok, so i'm rambling, but it feels good...i haven't rambled in quite a while...maybe it's just that...i feel like i'm so focused that i miss the rambling nights, i miss the tumble and rumble of thoughts in my head...i suppose i'm living out my own firm beliefs that there is a balance to be struck for any aspect of life, even that of just my thoughts. so perhaps i'll start letting myself ramble a bit more often again...i like the flutter in my stomach as my head goes round in a whirl...

Soundtrack for this post: "Thirteen" by Big Star

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